My son, warm and snuggley in my arms as I try to type one handed, makes a noise that only Mark and I are meant to hear. The soft purr he makes only in our arms. Rory might not mind being handed about, but he knows when he is returned to us. At two months, he knows us. He has his flirty smile that he gives to people he recognizes, "aunts" and "uncles" and grandparents, but there is one he reserves for us. There is a recognition in his eyes that calms him when he looks at us. We are his comfort and his shelter and he rests beneath our wings.
This is what Christ would ask of us, that we look up from His hands, ever reaching to catch us as we fall, and recognize Him. That we reserve not just pieces of ourselves for Him, but all of us. That every action and reaction would be for Him, the good along with the bad - the easy things and the difficult ones. In the same way that my sweet little boy listens for my voice above the rest and looks to find me as he hears it, so God would have us listen and look for Him.
As overwhelmed as I become by the pain and suffering in this world, I know God. And I know that suffering builds character and creates empathy as well as opportunity. As humans, we listen to those who have experienced the pain we know, we look for others who can empathize more than sympathize. We seek that comfort and shelter that love provides. And that love is always Christ.
I know that I cannot save the world or even one soul, only God is capable of such things. But he can use me to accomplish them, I need only be willing. I must be open to whatever is in store for me; physically, mentally, and spiritually. I must be prepared to act according to God's plan for my life, as His hands, feet, and voice. I am called to such great things! So much greater than I am, but still I am called. It is not the same as your calling, we each must do something different in order to accomplish more.
Mark and I have discovered a secret. Still and quiet in the recesses of parenting, there comes a sweet knowledge of self sacrifice. The very thing I have been so eagerly seeking. When you become a parent, you must give up any inkling of selfishness. Because your child will cry and they will need you to be the best you can possibly be and you will not have time to be self-absorbed.
My self image has never been anything astounding, but since having Rory it has had to take a back seat. Because if I had my way, I would be self destructive on that front and that is not healthy and not something I am willing to put my son through. I cannot think about how much I would rather be sleeping at 4am when Rory is upset because he is cold and hungry, he must be my priority. I must die to my selfish desires in the same way the Christ would ask of me.
I don't believe you must become a parent in order to understand sacrifice, but I believe I understand it better now. It has created an entirely new perspective that I cannot deny and, in fact, must seek after will all of my being. My heart breaks for those who suffer in a way that is different from before, and I am ever learning. How I see the world and my place in it will never cease to shift and change because God is moving in me always.
This week the way I am helping the world is by raising my son and making him a priority in my life, following only my husband and my God. For he is precious and dear and grows more every day at an astonishing rate and I refuse to miss even one minute of this beautiful gift.
I know that I cannot save the world or even one soul, only God is capable of such things. But he can use me to accomplish them, I need only be willing. I must be open to whatever is in store for me; physically, mentally, and spiritually. I must be prepared to act according to God's plan for my life, as His hands, feet, and voice. I am called to such great things! So much greater than I am, but still I am called. It is not the same as your calling, we each must do something different in order to accomplish more.
Mark and I have discovered a secret. Still and quiet in the recesses of parenting, there comes a sweet knowledge of self sacrifice. The very thing I have been so eagerly seeking. When you become a parent, you must give up any inkling of selfishness. Because your child will cry and they will need you to be the best you can possibly be and you will not have time to be self-absorbed.
My self image has never been anything astounding, but since having Rory it has had to take a back seat. Because if I had my way, I would be self destructive on that front and that is not healthy and not something I am willing to put my son through. I cannot think about how much I would rather be sleeping at 4am when Rory is upset because he is cold and hungry, he must be my priority. I must die to my selfish desires in the same way the Christ would ask of me.
I don't believe you must become a parent in order to understand sacrifice, but I believe I understand it better now. It has created an entirely new perspective that I cannot deny and, in fact, must seek after will all of my being. My heart breaks for those who suffer in a way that is different from before, and I am ever learning. How I see the world and my place in it will never cease to shift and change because God is moving in me always.
This week the way I am helping the world is by raising my son and making him a priority in my life, following only my husband and my God. For he is precious and dear and grows more every day at an astonishing rate and I refuse to miss even one minute of this beautiful gift.
Rory the Activist
No comments:
Post a Comment