Too Many To Count

The word of the day is blessed.

Pregnancy emotions are super. I've never cried so much in my life as the last 7 months. But for all the ups and downs? I have gotten to be really honest about my emotions, primarily because there is no way I can hide them, but it's nice. It's nice to tear up when I hear a really moving song on the radio. And it's nice to laugh inappropriately loud when I read something hilarious in the middle of the library. It's nice to look at my husband and know that I am absolutely oozing with love for him and he can see it. I am not used to wearing my heart so openly on my sleeve and it's really nice.

You may or may not have picked up that I'm into the whole "God thing." What you might not know, is that I can probably count the number of my friends who believe in God on one hand. Sometimes? That is really difficult. I say something about Church and there is a look that crosses over their face - like they aren't sure how to react, like I might throw a bible at them. Sometimes it's pretty funny, other times it's kind of alienating. Christianity has absolutely assaulted by it's own "believers," when all it's really about is love. I don't want to drag anyone to Church or instruct them on why they are sinners that need to be saved. In fact, I find it's almost the opposite. More people try to talk me out of believing in God than I have ever spoken to about believing. And despite the fact that so many of my friends don't understand my beliefs, they stick it out with me. I am ridiculously grateful for them. They put up with my Church and God talk with limited amounts of awkward and try to be excited for me even when they don't get it. I hope they each realize how much I love them, regardless of their faith.

When I talk about doing mission work, becoming a career missionary, a lot of people don't know how to react. To be clear, I'm not headed to hand out Bibles and westernize a savage nation. That thought actually makes me laugh out loud. I am totally down to talk religion with anyone who wants to and if you'd like a Bible, I will hand you one. But I'm more interested in living life with people, helping them create a sustainable living, getting them the medical care they need, and assisting in educating them to be self sufficient, to read and write in their own language, to help others in need. Not because I think I am better or smarter than anyone else, I am most definitely not, but because they haven't had the opportunity to learn these things and maybe haven't had anyone to give them a hand, to love on them. That is the reason my husband and I are headed on mission.

Patience is not the word of the day, but maybe it will be someday. Something I struggle with on an almost daily basis, I seek patience with almost as much fervor as I seek joy. Possibly with more, because joy is easy for me to attain whereas patience is not. I am decidedly impatient. I want things to be happening now. Right now. Not tomorrow, not a week from now, not in a year. Spontaneity is one of my greatest gifts - and most horrible curses. Patience has, however, been the theme of my life lately. I am waiting for Critter to arrive, waiting to hear back about our membership applications, waiting to hear back about our missions applications, waiting for my certificate, waiting for our home to be set up for baby, waiting to hear more about CAR, waiting on letters to arrive, waiting for Summer to finally get here, waiting for articles to be published, waiting, waiting, waiting. I am learning patience whether I like it or not (definitely not). But I am thankful for the opportunity to learn this skill because, let's face it,  life is difficult without patience. Deep sigh.

Maybe you don't understand why, but today's word is blessed. Blessed because I am overemotional. Blessed because I have friends who love me even when they don't understand me. Blessed because God has given me an absolute burden on my heart for those in need. Blessed because I am learning about patience. Blessed with an active child and loving husband, a darling Church community, a wonderful job and other job opportunities, a bed with blankets, food in my fridge, and a beautiful home with lovely landlords... there are so many things I could list. I have an overabundance of blessings in my life, too many to count. Even on the difficult days and in the hard moments, I have a beautiful life that is so full! The word of the day is most certainly blessed.