30 November 2010

It's About Love


21 November 2010

We Will Run

The easiest way to motivate me : Tell me I can't.

"What are you doing, Malia?"


Life is not about discovering and doing what makes them happy - whoever the eff they are. There is so much more. Things that are bigger than you have ever imagined. And you can't build it. You can't invent it. Change will spread like disease and there will never be a cure. We must spark a movement. A movement that bridges generation, race, gender, ability, religion, culture. The sound of a billion different voices rising in a million different ways and a thousand different languages, not as one, and yet still together. Creating a bond stronger than any armor, more powerful than any weapon. Not just peace, but Love.


But how? How do we create this? How can we accomplish something so global? It begins, with you, friend, and with me. It is the smile you give to a stranger. The touch you give to a friend going through a rough time. Helping someone out with something and expecting nothing in return. Doing nice things for the hell of it. Calling the friend you think of. Handing a homeless person your Starbucks gift card. Playing with children. Being polite to the idiot who spilled your coffee. Enjoying your life not because of what you get out of it, but because of what it gets out of you.


We bleed the same and we will bleed for this. A war to end all war. Fought on the front lines of human existence with a violence that needs no physical weapon. Not only for peace, but also for Love. There nothing that can unite us, if not this. Regardless of who you are, where you come from, what you believe - surely this rings true. Let us create new things from the old. Out of these, the lives we live, we shall create better ones. Not only for ourselves, but for all people. What is this life for, if not to create more?


What am I doing? I'll tell you. I am being a part of something bigger than myself. I am a single piece of a revolution. I may not be doing it your way, but that only makes my effort all the more genuine. Not because it is not yours, because it is my own. Do you understand? Can you understand?

Am I going to change the world? I have no fucking idea. But I will change my own life to reflect that which I see this world in need of. I will be peace. I will emit hope. I will Love. And I will spread it like the plague.

I can only hope that you will see the urgency in this cause, and that you will run to be a part of this revolution. That we will all run to be a part of this.

17 November 2010

Call Me Out

I have an apology to make; It might be to many of you who read this blog, or perhaps only to those who do not. I'd like to apologize to those who ever looked up to me when I was a High Schooler or ever Junior High student. I wasn't the person you needed me to be and gave you the wrong impressions of what was good in this world. I mocked you through my selfish lifestyle and rebellion. I never took your feelings into consideration, I never thought once about the effect I might have on your life. I am so very sorry for having made you doubt yourself, or having made you believe less of whatever it was you believed then. It was never my intent, but I couldn't see the damage I was creating through my selfish tendencies. I should have been a better role model, someone you could have been proud to look up to. Someone who did good, selfless things, rather than the self-absorbed life I lived. I apologize for any injury I may have caused you, and any pain that you may have been in simply because of my example. I am sorry.

It's hard to apologize, especially when most of the people I know I met after that time period in my life. But in order to go where I am going, I have to be honest about where I once was. And where I once was? It was a dark and frightening place. I should not have let anyone follow me there, yet I did. I knew there were people who looked up to me, people who I was hurting. But my pain seemed more prevalent, of more importance - as if we are ever more important than another being.

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us."

And here it is, the beautiful thing You are making me into. Where I am now is only the beginning, there is so much more. "I see what you've done, your hard hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you can't stomache evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. But why have you walked away from your first love - why? What's going on with you anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen?" Rev2.2 And there it is. I've changed my life and it's for the better. I'm not who I was and you would not recognize me had you not seen me in years. But wait! Have I forgotten my first love? And if so, what is that first love of mine?

I am sitting in a black chair by a dead fireplace, eight-thirty in the morning in a wine bar that serves coffee."You have a real heart for those who have lost their way." Was there ever a truer statement? Why yes, from the same person actually, "You have a lot of grace for those who don't fit the mold, for those who are hurting or have lost their way - but you don't have much grace at all for those who actually do fit the mold." Ouch. And my humility makes it's way out of the woodworks. There is so much I have left to learn.

"This world is dying, the old world's dying now.
But a new one's dawning.
And You keep calling us out.
Call me out, You call me out, You're calling me out."

It is written on my hand. I belong and I am unafraid. I am young, I am naive. I am constantly learning and finding my way. Sometimes people look down on me because I am not taking the conventional path. But I am making my own. I have to believe that it is alright that I am not following other people's footsteps. I'm not the first to forge my own path, there are many others who have created a path for themselves, not following those around them. And that is alright, I believe it is alright. I am learning. Through my failures and my mistakes, through grace and God. I could never know what the future holds, but I know it is good. I know it is new. I know that it is restoring.

My first love. How far back are we talking here? Are we headed all the way back to age 3, jumping on the bed in my underwear with a boy named Jonathan playing Power Rangers? How about when I was 8 and wanted to be Mia Hamm? Is this about the first man I fell in love with? The first man I wanted to spend my life with? The first time I met a soulmate? Or are we talking about a different kind of love? Are we talking about my need to breathe travel? Something about seeing every corner of the world? What about music? Maybe nonprofit organizations? - It took me awhile, and it's possible I still haven't figured it out. But I think I am headed in the right direction. We can never know for sure, despite what you imagine. We can only hope and pray we are doing the right thing. So here I am, returning to my first love, whatever that might be. Child again, searching for answers in that which is simple.


15 November 2010

No Life Vest Required

I hear a sound like rushing water,
It's growing louder just like thunder.
This is our anthem, our song of love,
It is rising, the sound of hallelujah.

I heard a most awesome story this weekend about an orphanage in Zambia and a little boy named Doozy. When you are going to adopt a child from this orphanage, they ask several weeks before you come to pick the child up that you send a photo album. This photo album should include pictures of each member of you family, any pets you have, the child's new room, their backyard, the school they will attend, etc. So Doozy was adopted this Summer by a man ((and his family)) I met this weekend, and when he recieved his photo album? the people working at the orphanage said Doozy was beside himself with joy. He told everyone who would listen, "Look! I have a family! And this is my dog! I have a room! And a backyard! This is my school and my neighbors! This is my home!" He carried the photo album everywhere he went, it sat beside him at meals and under his arm as he slept, it was on the toilet beside the bathtub and next to his feet as he played games with the other children. Isn't this how we should be? Not with pride, but with the joy that comes from the inner most parts of our souls! This life is ours!

I find myself seeking a life I never before saw as possible. I have forgotten my fear, left it beside my doubt and run into the sunlight. And my arms are raised in wonder and I am joyful. My soul feels as light as it's ever been and I feel the pressure of this fall dissipate. There is freedom is surrender.
Salut, ma joie de vivre, tu m'ai manqué!

Ghandi said that "You must be the change you want to see in the world." I always imagined that to mean you have to do the things you want to see happen, but that's not what he said, is it? He said be, not do. No matter how many charities you donate to, regardless of your "charity" and "good works," the world will not change. Not because those things don't matter, but because those things don't change the world. You change the world. It is not your actions, but your person that makes this world into the place you want to see. It is being nice to your cranky waitress, it is taking deep breaths and not cursing the idiot who cut you off, it is dropping a dime into every donatation box you see, it is buying coffee for the person behind you in the Starbucks line, it is smiling at strangers you see on the street. It is Capitalist suicide, giving unconditionally without the expectation of any return. Because it isn't the things you do, it's you that will change this earth for the better.

"Stop passing out life vests and start painting the walls of this sinking ship."

03 November 2010

Dream Big!

The line is blurred with inadequacies. Don't hold back what you want to say. I'm learning more and more that honesty counts for all things. It's not about what you want, it's about what you need. I'd like to think we are always growing. I'd like to think we understand more about ourselves each and every day. And I swear those words could heal.

Take my hand, live while you can, don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand?

I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'll do. I don't know, but I know it's gonna be good. My life is far from perfect, but I have what I need. That's what counts, that's what is important. Maybe it's not the most luxurious lifestyle, but I know what it is to live on a dollar a day. I am letting go of what "defines" me, making room for new.

No fear, no fences, nobody. No reins. She's learning how to let go, whichever way the wind blows.

Just drive. Search for the prettiest fall colors. Cheers to freedom. Laugh until you cry. Dance on tabletops. Thank God for every little thing. Take a walk. Talk on the phone. Ride your bike. Take photographs. Sing at the top of your lungs. Make cookies so good they melt. Hang out with kids. Write. Travel on your own. Throw sparkles into the air. Wear whatever you like. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

These words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to.

I am going to do the Seattle to Portland ride with my friend Nanners this Summer. Maybe climb Ranier as well. After that? I'm thinking I'd like to do the LA to DC ride. From there? I want to walk back. Virgina, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Cali, Oregon to Washington. Seeing all the things I've always wanted. And yes, I said walk. I would like to move home to Hawaii for awhile. I'd like to open a bakery and live on a sailboat. I want to get married. Barefeet and toes in the sand. I want to see four kids running around with my eyes and their fathers hair. Me in a little dress from 1955 and him in jeans and a blazer, both of us tripping over eachother to get the kids to school and ourselves to work, laughing the whole time. Hey, when I dream? I dream big. As my friend Jo said, crazier things have happened.

I hate to break it to you babe, but I'm not drowning. There's no one here to save.

As beautiful as all those dreams are? I have found that the things you want and the things you get are not always insync. But I have what I need and I can work towards those dreams I long for. That is what's important. Life will send you waves, you just gotta pick which ones you wanna ride.