30 May 2012

Flare For The Dramatic

As you know, I'm nesting. Nesting entails cleaning everything out of our already extremely tidy and tiny studio flat. But not just the closets, cupboards, and shelves! Oh no, also the few keepsakes I tote around. For instance, my Tide detergent box of notes.

I have saved every note, card, and letter, every piece of paper scribbled back and forth upon by two friends during class, every address, every post-it hello, every piece of personal post I have ever received since 1998. It's a lot. And my Tide box has been mostly full for well over 2 years. But still, every time I get a card or a letter? It gets stuffed in the box.

Then I got married. And am now having a baby (it's unbelievable how many cards and letters you get for those two events). So my Tide box could no longer function as the container for all my correspondence - unless I threw some things out. Now, I did not count how many items were once in that orange and yellow box - but it was a lot. Remember when you used to fold notes up into cute little boxes or hearts or "pull tabs" or cats or frogs or houses? Well just think of how many of those little notes would fit into an old Tide detergent container when pressed. It's a large number. So, I had to throw some out.

I have always avoided throwing notes away, partially because it's hard to read about some of the issues I was facing and the things my friends were dealing with then decide what is worth keeping and what isn't. So, I finally undertook that task. It turns out? It is much easier to throw things away than I had imagined. A lot of them were just one big dramatic slur. I discovered that I had no desire to keep a majority of my notes. Some of them? Were great. Hilarious and full of love from one friend to another, but a lot of them were just permeating meaningless back and forth. And those aren't the memories I want to keep.

I definitely had favorites:
"I am writing this to you up against a window. While having sex. With an albino midget wigger."
"I'm applying to be your love slave... I don't mind working nights and weekends."
"If pineapples could had wings and had intelligent thought, where would they fly to?"
"It is the year of the dragon (who knows actually) and I can't wait to release my beast of a dragon."

And I kept quite a bit of what was there. Most of the cards and a handful of the notes. My Tide box is now about half full, just waiting for more letters from family and friends. From my husband and cards from my little Critter. I'm excited to fill it up again, but with happier and healthier words. All those letters brimming with the dramatic? I am no longer close with most of the authors. Not because they aren't good wonderful people and not because we didn't make fun memories. But because I don't want or need drama in my life. I am creating a tiny little Creature who will absorb all my time and energy in the best way possible. I don't need to be distracted people who feel their every issue is bigger than that. I want to devote my stress to the good things in life, nothing that brings me down.

If you don't want drama in your life, it won't be there. When you finally let your life be about more than your passing issues and let those around you know that you're not interested in being their vent about selfishness, that's when you gain. As much as it might sting to lose those people at first, it becomes a relief. - What I'm not saying is "cut them off." You should never do that to someone. But you should step back from anyone who puts their needs before the rest of the world. Let them know you're there for them if they ever really need you, and make sure you let them know when they ask for you and it's not something earth shattering.

Surround yourself with people who can see the bigger picture. Who value others as well as themselves and view friendship as a two way street. Be selfless instead of selfish and never stop being amazed at how much bigger the world is in comparison to you.

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