Hallelu

Driving home from a wonderful day in Seattle with Folk Life and friends, my handsome husband posed a question that I don't really remember. Something about when I stopped doing drugs and why. Which led me looking at the big picture of my life for the thousandth time and realizing once again how amazing it is. Not that my life in itself is amazing, just that the story is amazing. You can see God moving in my life before I ever realized it, but whether or not you believe? It's a wonderful coincidence.

January of 2009, after dropping out of University and spending 6 months basically soaking my liver and brain in illegal substances, a friend texted me telling me how much she missed Washington and all of us up here. My response was to quit my both my jobs and drive 19 hours straight through the night to Riverside California. My dear friend, Jade, was attending California Baptist University. A private Christian university, things like Chapel and worship were required of students. I was sleeping on Jade's floor so I just tagged along for two weeks. I grew up in the church (little c for little minds), but God and I hadn't spoken in awhile. I left the church, assuming that included God. I was mistaken. Everyone commented on what an amazing friend I was to have driven all the way down to California for Jade, but I think that time saved my life. I just reassured Jade that she was loved and belonged in California, staying at Cal Baptist was the start of my life doing a 180. I returned home to the grey knowing I wanted something different for my life. But without the recreational substance abuse, I was forced to turn to the prescribed brands. I had anxiety attacks that would put me in a small dark corner and felt jittery all the time, most likely because my diet consisted of caffeine and medication. I rode the bus into Seattle for work and read my Bible for the first time in a long time. I remember someone asking me if I went to church and I adamantly explained that I didn't approve of church, I was just trying to figure out where/why/how all of this (Bible) fit into my life. She smiled at me. Bus riders into Seattle from Maple Valley get to know each other pretty well, so eventually we all began to have pretty interesting conversations about God, religion, church... I had a friend die that Spring. We had always planned extravagant trips and before he died he had gone on a tour of South America. "You have to go to Peru, Malia," he told me. That same week he died, I bought a plane ticket for September. As the Summer progressed, my anxiety and myriad of other mental health issues intensified. The two or so weeks before I got on a plane, I spent most of my days not being able to get out of bed. Staring at the ceiling and journaling nonsense, not eating or sleeping. I was a wreck. My mother would tell me later that when she dropped me at the airport, she thought she would never see me alive again. But I got on a plane, slept in an airport and got on my connecting flight to South America.

That first night in a hostel in Lima, I flushed all my medication. I couldn't tell you why I did it, I just didn't want to be a zombie any longer. I got on a 24 hour bus to Cusco and fell in love the moment I awoke in the middle of the Andes. Foreign grey moonscape to lush Amazonian jungle to fields of golden grass high above the clouds. I thought I was dying, "This is what Heaven looks like," I remember thinking as the sun lit up the side of the mountain to a bright glow. Maybe I was dying, because I turned into an entirely new person. In Cusco I met some young men who would change my life. The tall perfect arian and fun loving, Rolf from Denmark. Working for the travel industry, he came to Cusco in 2005 on holiday and just never left. The awkward but excellent with the ladies and dearling friend, Christian from Oxford. Traveling through South America, the US, and Asia on gap year after inventing some kind of new laundry detergent, he had stayed in Cusco longer than expected because he fell in love with it. Jesus, the Argentine graphic designer with strange sleeping hours and a love of matte and fernet with Coke from Cordoba. I lived with these three and really became who I wanted to be. I spent my days wandering the shops and streets, eventually volunteering at a school house in San Mateo, a "suburb" of Cusco if you will... if no running water and crumbling adobe buildings qualify as "suburbs." My nights were spent salsa dancing and bar hopping with the occasional Cumbia club. Then I met Tao. Tall, dark, and handsome Australian passing through Cusco on his tour of the world and I fell in love. My time in Cusco coming to an end, he convinced me to join him in New York City. I made it happen. We spent 2 weeks in blissful December joy on the island of Manhattan before he had to fly to London and I went to live in Washington DC with relatives. I combed craigslist and eventually happened upon a job as an au pair in San Miniato, Italy to the cutest triplets in the world. My life in Italy was mostly babies and adventures all over Italy with them. Eventually we went to Vermont for the Summer and I picked up my Bible again. My life was just one big coincidence after another. At the end of that Summer, I knew what I needed to do: I had to go home. I took the train across the country, stopping various places but primarily in Chicago to visit my little brother, Zach, at North Park University, then in Spokane to reconnect with a dear friend, and Soap Lake to spend time with my God Parents.

Finally I arrived home. The job market being what it was, I threw myself into volunteer work at two different churches and the community. It wasn't long before we got the call about Zach, in the hospital struggling to make it. "Touch and go," were the dreaded words. My parents went and I stayed with my baby brother Alika. This is why I was called home. Two weeks went by with Alex and I making life work on our own when my paternal grandmother passed away. My dad flew to Seattle and all three of us flew out to attend the funeral. When we returned home, all 5 of us were living under the same roof again. Zachary was recovering, slowly but surely. Alex was also recovering, from a variety of other things. I spent my time volunteering and making an odd dollar here and there through my dear friend, Wendee, at Versatile Designs. I received several offers to get out of the country, but I declined them all. Despite my empty wallet and living at home again, I knew I was doing the right thing. I went on a mission trip to Mexico by sheer grace, as I wasn't planning on going (due to lack of funds) and was reintroduced to the man who has become the love of my life. I got a paid internship and was offered a position as an Administrative Assistant for the Summer. I wasn't sure where either would leave me come September, but I was determined that this was the right path for me. I got engaged in August and in September found out my job at our Church Office could be a permanent one if I wanted it. Married in November, we found out I was pregnant in late December, and the Church offered me more hours for 2012... and I am happy. Life has it's ups and downs, but there is never a moment when I am dissatisfied. My life isn't a fairytale, but it's close enough for me.

I could have spent four years at University. I could have continued to work 2 jobs and live in a little apartment. I could have stayed abroad having adventures. I could have left the country again. I could have, I could have, I could have. And I didn't. I followed my heart and the thousands of coincidences that make up my life. But I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in God. And it's okay if you don't! I just can't seem to shake it. Now we are looking at going abroad to do mission work and everyone thinks we're out of our heads. If there's one thing I've learned? It's that people thinking I'm making an irrational decision probably means I'm headed in the right direction. Why do you need to approve of what I am doing and where I'm going? And why do you imagine you have that right? Live your life and I will do the same. If that isn't good enough for you, well, that's too bad...