Jalapeños

Radio silence ends here?

I've been rather quiet, which I apologize for, but I actually can make no promises about being better about blogging - sorry. I have mere days left of pregnancy and am keeping myself fairly occupied with Pinterest. Just kidding, I actually have been up to quite a lot. Figuring out hospital plans, hanging our beautiful baby hammock for Critter, sewing a maya sling, getting together with what seems like the entire world before I give birth and spend the first couple weeks doing nothing but staring at my precious little one, figuring out easy freezer meals to make now while I have the time and energy, working/trying to get ready for maternity leave so someone else can do my job, and various other things.

It's strange, even though I know I am busy, I feel like all I do is day dream these days. Daydreams about finally getting to hold Critter, running, breast feeding, snuggling baby, touching my head to my shins or any yoga without modifications, baby baths, clothes that fit... a lot of my daydreams are fitness related, the rest are baby related. Being pregnant has taught me that you need to take ridiculously good care of your body. My bones ache from all the weight and the awkward gait and my breasts growing by the minute. I don't want the body I had before I was pregnant, I want a better one. I want to care for it as it has never been cared for, it deserves it.

That being said, I'm enjoying this last haul of pregnancy. Being told to keep off my feet when I feel tired makes me scrunch my face, but I don't mind nearly as much as everyone said I would. My inability to control my internal thermostat can definitely get uncomfortable, but it's nothing a cold shower can't fix - and I loveee cold showers. I'm glad there is so much sunshine and my ever moving child makes me laugh out loud sometimes. Being big and needing to pee constantly is, of course, challenging, but I wouldn't say that this is the worst Summer I've ever had. Everyone seemed to think being pregnant in high Summer was the world's end - I've got news, it isn't. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is my sweet sweet Critter, I don't mind waiting. Through the heat and the discomfort and the contractions and the keeping off my feet, I don't mind.

Mornings have been reading and scrawling page after page of nonsensical Malia words. Days of water bottles and work, trying to prep for the little one. Nights hold yoga, cuddles, movies, and more writing or reading. Mark is ever amazing and still believes I am beautiful, funny, and not ridiculously overemotional by any stretch of the imagination. Have I mentioned how much I adore him? No? Well, let me make it clear: I have the most wonderful husband.

We had a terrific appointment with a midwife this morning, she was a lovely blessing. Funny and honest, I don't think there is a better combination in humans. She reassured me about how well I am doing and let me know some good ideas for labor, it was just a really great appointment. Even Marko liked her. We are so excited to meet our little one! Just 18 days left, deep sigh of motherly joy.

The advice seems to flow from every mouth about pregnancy, labor, and newborns - here are my words of wisdom to you if you're pregnant: Don't listen. If you have a question about something and ask someone? That is the only time they have any right to give you any piece of advice. Do whatever feels best to you, momma! Trust your instincts and know when to ask for help. Simple as that. People will tell you stories and what works best, but that was them and their baby, not you and yours. Do your own thing, figure it out your way. Have no idea what to do and feel overwhelmed? Take all the ridiculous advice people give you! Just do what feels right to you, and I genuinely believe everything will work out.

I don't think I've mentioned that we heard back about missions! We are officially in the discernment process - which means we are going through background and reference checks and they can really get to know us (and we them) through interviews and the like so each of us can decide if this really is the way we would like to go on mission. Both Mark and I have had our phone interviews and are now filling out paperwork so we can hopefully start moving through this process in September. The timeline, if everything falls into place, looks to be June of next year. Longer than we wanted to wait? Definitely. But that is okay, we aren't functioning are on our timeline. Patience is more like the word of the year.

I recently stumbled upon the beautiful opportunity to read the truly touching story of a dear friend of mine, hers is a heart wrenching and lovely journey. I was moved by her honesty and the amount of love poured into the story. In a lot of places, it reminded me of my own story, which I have been convicted to share. I'm not sure in exactly what manner yet, but I've already started writing so we'll see the form my story reveals itself in. I often give the big picture, but intimate details are often still fleeting in my story. They deserve to be shared. I'm very cautious and tentative in doing this, but I'll keep you updated as to how it's moving.

I'll end with this:

I love you. Whether I know you or not is irrelevant. You are a beautiful soul full of wonder and possibility and I don't need to have met you to understand that. You were created for amazing things! Maybe you're already doing them, maybe they are yet to come, but never doubt your place in this world. Things might get hectic, frantic, dismal, despondent, or any number of other things - but know that you are loved. Even if just by me, who is ridiculous and struggling with my own crazy issues all the time! You are not alone, you are with so many of us in heart and spirit if nothing else. Know you are loved.

 

See how much I love you?!