Like They Do On The Discovery Channel?

Marko and I attend one of the many Small Groups at our church and this Summer our topic is? Marriage. Well, at least, that's the vague one word summary of what we are studying. And this week we discussed "When Love Sizzles" ... aka sex - yah, I'm not going to pretend that the study isn't cheesy, but most of it is decent teaching. One of the questions following the session was "What are some of the damaging aspects of culture to sex?" The answers from around the room were good, but they focused primarily on the damage pop culture has done to sex - leaving out the serious damage that church culture has done to it.

It's true that in this day and age? Sex is all we want to talk about. Where and how people are doing it and with who - or what. We are hyper-sexualized, women are only as good as what they'll show and men are only as good as their six-pack abs on a billboard. There is television, Pinterest, Tumblr, and photo after photo of what "sexy" is. Sex is easily accessible. In fact, it's hard to avoid it. Everyone has poor self image these days, it's impossible not to with all the damage this over stimulation does to our psyches.

But we know it.

We know the superficial nature of pop songs and that "rush" of a new relationship versus the "stagnant" nature of a long term one. We know the injury porn can sometimes place on a relationship. We know the problems with allowing young girls to read Cosmo and Teen Vogue. We see the anorexia, bulimia, rape culture - and not just in women. We watch the rate of sex before marriage sky rocket, the divorce rate rise steadily, and the number of dysfunctional teen moms captivate television audiences everywhere. We know it's damaging.

But what about the damage we as a Church have done to sex?

Because our sin is equal to that of the media.

We force sex under the bed covers, shaming it and any discussion of it. With women and young girls, we teach them to "control" and "tone down" their sexuality; t-shirts over bathing suits, high-necked shirts, finger-tip length skirts and shorts. We tell them modesty only concerns keeping their legs closed and that purity is tied directly to their virginity and once you lose it? You can't get it back. We reproach men for finding a woman who is not their spouse attractive while encouraging a misplaced sense of machismo at the same time. We demand romance from our men while maintaining that they need to stop acting so feminine and "man up." It is a confusing, backwards, hurtful place where words like "abomination" and "sexual deviancy" and "aversion" are common place. The question arises, what does good sex even look like within the context of the Church? Because simply answering "marriage" doesn't do it. There is damaging and hurtful sex within marriages.

 

It's blurry.

Until we can openly and honestly have discussions within both cultures without the fear of being labeled "prude" or "sinful," sex will continue to be harmful. Not just when media tones down the sex and the Church amps up the "sizzle" factor, but when both come together to have an appropriate and in depth conversation. This is just identification of the problem and a lot could be said and speculated on how to heal the damage being done, but that is for another day. There is so much more to say and write on the subject and other people that I much admire have written about it here, here, here, here & here, or here - just to name a few.