Oaxaca

Vagabonding now is different.

Much, much different.

Oaxaca is beautiful. The colonial feel of the cobblestone mixed with the brightly colored buildings and edgy street art on every other corner is something so very different. Our neighborhood is old, but seeing a revival of sorts. We have a lavanderia, a tortilleria, and, claro, a barbershop bar called Barberia Krampus. You read that correctly - a barbershop where he does haircuts and close shaves and you can have a cold beer. There are coffee shops, a wood-fire pizza restaurant, an organic grocery and cafe, and more. Our apartment is nice, furnished, and the perfect mixture of small enough that we can always see our mischief-making son but still have separate rooms. We are trying to live in this small corner of the world.

"And there are a new kind of nomads, not the people who are at home everywhere, but who are at home nowhere. I was one them." Robyn Davidson

Everything is an adjustment. We are acclimatizing, getting used to, transitioning. And it is so different this time around. This time I have to account for a husband, for a son, for a daughter. For nap times, for feeding, for snacks, for toys, for time outs, for bad behavior, for good behavior, for language school, for homework, for playtime, for sunscreen, for sunburn, for bug bites, for owies, for water, for bedtimes, for all of the things.

The weather is hot. The Spanish often goes over my head. The time zone change, the culture shift, the food differences, the apartment hunting, the street vendor browsing, the taxi driver conversations - these are all things that I know, that I love. But it is a different world when you have a family. If it were just Marko and I, there would have been changes, but they would have been minimal. But a family nomadic lifestyle is an entirely new world.

I am slower to absorb this culture shock than I have been to others.

It is hard to figure out how to best go about immersion when you have to tote around a little red headed girl who can't walk. It is hard to imagine browsing in a mercado when you have to worry about your two year old disappearing into the crowd. It is hard to keep track of snacks and of meal times and water bottles when it's not just your stomach that informs you of the need. It is hard to think about which papers and which toys you will need at the immigration office in order to best satisfy the government and your two year old. It is hard to wear your four month old daughter in 30 C heat.

It is much easier to prioritize in familiar place with familiar people and familiar things. But it is, for me, much less rewarding.

Yuriko, Cynthia, Juan, Delfino, Rosi, Jomas, Eduardo, Pedro, Rosa y Lola - this is the beginning of community. It takes time to build, it takes hard work. It is inconvenient, it is exhausting, it is frustrating. But it is worth it. And it is better to do with a family. They create opportunity, both to explore and to rest. They create a loving safe space to be yourself in. They provide moments of the utmost love, joy, frustration, anger, hope, laughter, strife, wonder. And I am so glad to be here with them.

I couldn't do it without them.

Let's Be More Than Overrated

People of the internet, I apologize for my lengthy absences.

I have no excuse except life. Life happens.

 

See the pretty life?

I read an interesting blog  the other day about how this generation is the most overrated - by ourselves and others - and here is why we are supposedly the most overrated: we like the idea of saving the world, giving aid, helping others, etc. more than we are actually willing to do anything about it. 

Ouch.

The truth of the matter is - this is probably true. We think that liking the Invisible Children page on Facebook, or posting graphic bloody pictures of the Israel Gaza conflict all over the internet, or sharing ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos is going to create real change.

(shared with me by the lovely Lindsay Belsha)

I'm not saying these things don't have the potential to create some lasting effect. Maybe someone saw that you "liked" International Justice Mission on Facebook and decided to check it out and came to the realization that they would like to work for IJM! But probably not.

And while I am glad to see that the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has shifted to dumping water on your head and donating... we are still putting one cause above another when we dump clean water over ourselves while a large portion of the world goes without.

If you are passionate about helping rid the world of ALS? Try learning about the research being done and share articles with new information. Or give to the foundation and share that you did so and why with your friends on social media.

I understand that we love our kitschy things that make giving to charities seem cool - but giving to charity is cool regardless. Regardless of whether your friends know, regardless of whether you had to look silly doing it, regardless of how many people you got to give. And raising awareness makes you the coolest kid on the block. Even if you are completely dry.

For instance, here is something I am passionate about.

Malaria is a preventable disease. As in, those 700,000 deaths do not need to occur because we could stop them. And I am passionate about spreading that knowledge. So here is your infographic, and you can donate here, or try over here, or even over here.

I am also passionate about education.

 

But even more important than the level of education reached, is the type of education received. In places where AIDS still runs rampant, it's important that we are educating protection and awareness. There is always education needed surrounding Malaria! And lowering the infant mortality rate, the access to clean water, women in business and micro-enterprise loans - the list goes on. And on and on.

Let's not be an overrated generation. Let's put our personal lives, our politics, our nationalities aside for the bigger picture - our human brothers and sisters, our world. Let's raise money, raise awareness, put our time and talents and treasure into something more than ourselves. Let's use social media to create real change rather than passive-aggressively touch on important issues.

I am the first to admit, I need help. I need reminders. I need grace.

But that should never stop me from trying again.

And it shouldn't stop you either.

So, what are you passionate about?

Evangelism

I have been a little spiritually and emotionally spent.

Maybe more than a little. Maybe a lot.

We were recently turned down by a local church for support. They feel as though we don't have a strong enough emphasis on evangelism. And because they have decided not to support us as a church, they don't feel it's appropriate for us to share with their congregation. I am a little discouraged by this. We are still in talks with several others churches, one we will visit this month, another in June, and we will be attending our conference's annual meeting in May. So it isn't as if the world is over - but I'm still feeling a little put out. The truth is, for more fundamentalist churches, we probably don't have a strong enough emphasis on classic evangelism.

I believe in holistic ministry. I believe that living out my convictions, loving people, caring for people - those are the ways I spread the gospel. I definitely believe in sharing my beliefs, but there is a time and a place and I am so not a door-to-door type of person. I am awkward. For the love of the land, I am awkward. It takes people a solid two or three tries to get me in a conversation where I am coherent! I do much better working alongside people, having conversations as they come, asking hard questions where they make sense, and keeping things light and sarcastic when life calls for it.

I will give you a for instance. For instance, I had a dear friend call me at 5:30am several weeks ago because she needed to go to Urgent Care. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and then physically got on my knees and prayed for her situation. We ended up at Urgent Care several hours later when it opened (8:00am, thank the dear Lord) and I simply sat there and made bad jokes and sarcastic comments. I am nothing if not a killer comedian, especially within hospital walls. At 5:30am? My friend needed prayer and words of the Spirit, but in the hospital? She needed to be distracted.

Now, I'm not saying I am the best at reading all of these scenarios, I am definitely not. I am mostly saying that evangelism doesn't always have to look like asking people if they know Jesus. Sometimes it looks like being sarcastic in an Emergency room, other times it looks like lending a neighbor a drill or a cup of sugar, and sometimes it does look like asking someone if they know Jesus (tiny sweet baby or pierced and risen King).

Mark and I are less classical evangelism and more "love your neighbor as yourself." This does not necessarily mean that we are right and the church that told us "no" was unjust - I think there is a time and place for both. It just means we weren't a right fit for that church, which, if I am being honest? Isn't that surprising. Just disappointing.

It is also hard because what we will be doing in Oaxaca is hard to pin down. I can riddle off the ministries happening there in great detail - but what we will be doing specifically? It will depend on what people need. If people need support to outlying rural churches? That's what we'll do. If people need us to tag along with Semillas de Salud and the health ministry they do all over the region? That's what we'll do. If people need us to be volunteers with the youth group? That is what we will do. It's a little nonspecific, but hopefully very helpful to the people and missionaries in Oaxaca, as well as to us and our hopes to learn about being long-term missionaries.

So, that's that.

I don't feel like I am ending on a very upbeat note, but that's kind of where I am at right now. Somewhere in the middle of trying very hard to stay positive and wanting to hide in my closet until Summer. But it's nice outside today, so I will get back to it.

Cheers, guys, thanks for all the encouragement.

Loaded Questions

These questions appeared on my Facebook page today, from someone whom I absolutely adore. But they are loaded, so I wrote a blog about them.

• 
  

  "Can you tell me your secret? How do you not walk away from Christianity? How do you still go to church? Excuse my language but I am so fed up with this bull shit."

Where to begin...

Over the last several months I have been faced with quite a few experiences that have been... rough. Everything from a misinterpretation of something I said, a flat out contestation of my faith, and, of course, all of "us versus them" happening within the broader Christian faith right now. So why have I not abandoned my church, my religion, my faith? How do we maintain our walk? How do we stay unified as the body of Christ? How do we join hands with people so blatently different from us? People we maybe see as "wrong?"

I read an article yesterday about how "liberals" and "conservatives" will never be able to come to the table - and this article was just discussing "liberals" and "conservatives" within Christianity! Not to mention those with varying relgious beliefs within our communities, our nation, and our world.

But I whole heartedly disagree.

If we are unable to come to the table to discuss issues, it has nothing to do with whether we are liberal or conservative or any other label you can think up - it has to do with pride.

The truth of the matter is that I am furious with Evangelicals deciding to withdraw sponsorships from children in need based purely on who the company hires, the Good Samaritan was not a believer and yet he was the one who was able to do the right thing - but here's the deal: just I as I don't believe those withdrawing from World Vision should do so based on judgement of individuals as "sinners," I should not judge them. I should call them to action and encourage them to continue to support those children that they previously made promises to, not because of World Vision, but because God calls us to care for the least of these. And if they truly feel so led to no longer support World Vision? I would encourage them to seek out another organization.

I can think whatever I want about their decision, I can be frustrated with how this makes our LGBT community members feel, I can even express anger about how this is protraying our faith to the rest of the world - but I am not ultimately the one who anyone will answer to. I don't have the corner on the Cornerstone. I don't have a backstage pass to morals and ethics. I don't get to judge. Thank the Lord Almighty, that it not my job.

If we can't come to the table and discuss this and other issues, that makes us equally pharisaical. "Truth in love" can only come through relationship, so we need to stop using it as an excuse to say hurtful things. Both to our brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as our brothers and sisters in humanity.

When I was younger, I made a lot of poor decisions (let's be honest, I still make some poor decisions). These decisions created rumours that ran rampant throughout my childhood church and youthgroup which led to some very serious judgemental statements made about and to me. Because of that, I walked away from the church, which I thought meant I was walking away from God. But here is what I found: 1. God will always come after you, even when you can't see it and don't believe it. And 2. Love always trumphs judgement.

Sometimes (a lot of the time), the church misrepresents Christ. And that sucks. But God does not need us to fight the church to protect Him, because that sends more mixed messages than helps and because He is God - He can fight His own battles. What God needs us to do is to love and care for people as He has called us - including those we disagree with. I know, for me, it is so much easier to love and care for people who do not call themselves Christians - but that doesn't give me a free pass to walk away from what I believe. I don't get to just distance myself and say "I'm not with them!" I get to love them, or at least to try vigorously.

Loving people doesn't mean not having hard conversations, it doesn't mean total consensus, it doesn't mean finality - it just means love. That is our call. To love. To love God, to love each other, to love the world. There will always be disagreements, there will always be frustrations, there will always be misrepresentation - but there also always needs to be love so that we can come to the table and discuss these things. Not just as Christians, but as humans.

It's hard.

(but luckily there's grace)

Far Away and Next Door

Know what I love?

I love having friends all over the world. I love checking my Facebook and seeing 4-5 languages in one scroll. I love the amazing things they are doing; from graphic design to dorm parent, Tucan Travel to Terralba, learning to teaching, single, married, engaged, young to old, stripper to preacher, loving God and people in Ecuador, China, India, Uganda, DC, Maple Valley, and so many more I feel guilty for not naming them all. I love that we have a bond, no matter how strange or distant or small. This is not a brag about how cool I am for knowing these people - this is a brag about how lucky I am to know these people.

Seriously.

These people are the best people. They are funny and sarcastic and ironic. They have deep, meaningful conversations about everything and nothing. They are talented; wood working, gardening, boat building, language learning, engineering, parenting, writing, hosting, singing, dancing, cooking, preaching, befriending - their talents are endless! They are good, good people. The kind of good people that make you check yourself when you say something nasty in traffic, not in a judge-y way, but in a makes-me-better way. They are people who love. They love through thick and thin and short and tall and all of the things. They love even when they barely know me and when they know me all too well. These people are the best people.

And do you know what I hate?

I hate having friends all over the world. I hate that they can't stop in and have tea. I hate that our friendship, while amazing and unique and beautiful, can't grow as quickly or deeply as it would if they were near to me. I hate that even if I go visit one of them, there will always be 10 more I want to visit. I hate that even when we are able to get together, it never feels like enough time. I hate that Skype planning is so difficult because of my and their schedules and time zones - and that I am just so bad about planning that out.

True story.

I want these best people next to me. I want to be able to call them without racking up a cellphone charge that physically injures my bank account. I want to be able to invite them to dinner, for coffee, for walks and talks. I want them to just randomly pop in because they know I'm home. I want them to see Rory every day so they aren't surprised when he walks across the room. I want them to laugh with me, cry with me, struggle with me. I want to see them more than once a Skype and on Facebook.

But then...

I do appreciate the Skypes - no matter how infrequent or regular. And I adore the visits - no matter how short or long. And I love the Facebook comments - no matter if we're besties or acquaintances. And I am blessed by the friends I have next door.

I love our landlords. They are like a third set of grandparents for Rory and oh! how they love him. I love my super amazing Monday night crew. I like our yoga and our deeper discussions. I love being real with them. I love my flakey friends - you know who you are. I love that we can not see each other, even though we want to, but still pick up where we left off. I love the people I am flakey with - you also know who you are. I love that you continue to pester me, please don't ever stop pestering me. I love the people I barely know who give me hand-me-downs, book recommendations, prayers, and winks. I love my Sunday people. I love my youth group kids. I love my girls who are no longer girls but collegiate women. I love the people I haven't met yet, the people I will never meet!

I love all my people. All God's people.

I love you because you are the threads of the beautiful tapestry of God's creation. You are the perfect example of how we are all so unique and so the same all at once! You are the people who struggle and bleed and laugh and sing. I love you all because you are different than me. I love you because you believe differently, try differently, dream differently. I love you because we find common ground in those differences. I love you because we have spoken every day, twice, and not at all. I love you because you are talented and gifted, because you share those talents and gifts. I love you because you surprise me and are so predictable. I love you because you are far away and next door.

I love you and today? I cannot even think of one reason not to.

Even when you are mean. Even when you do something you didn't mean to, when you say something you think might have been a mistake. Even when you let fear take over. Even when you are selfish, even when you are greedy, even when you forget who you are. I love you even when you hurt yourself, even when you hurt others.

This is not because I am some great and selfless person.

Because yesterday? I did not feel like loving anyone. Yesterday I was selfish and angry and sad. Yesterday, you all loved me. And that is why I am reminded that even when I have a yesterday, there is always a tomorrow. And I am so blessed to be loved by a God who loves me unconditionally and a you who loves me on my bad days, that I can love you all like that return. Wherever you are all over the world - far away and next door.

But What Are You For?

There are about one million versions of this quote.

But I'm not too cool to admit I've always liked it.

I have mixed feelings about "Christian music." Partly because a lot of it sounds the same and it can be boring. Partly because something about God being a great artist and us being made in his image so music is all technically "worship music" - that is kind of a lengthy conversation in itself. But I have had a flat out downhearted attitude lately and have been in need of some worship - even if some (most) of it is boring. And just when I thought to myself, "this is not helping," I head this one on the radio and - well...

Don't just roll your eyes at me, sometimes punk rocker Malia has a weak moment of Casting Crowns adoration. This is one of those times. And I am not sorry.

"We cut people down in your name, when the sword was never ours to swing."

Ouch. It makes me think of Peter. You know, cutting off people's ears in defense of Jesus (John 18) and then being scolded. Sometimes we put forth all this effort to defend our faith, when, if we had really been living it out, it wouldn't have needed defending in the first place. What we stood for would have done all that work for us, but we chose to strike out at what we were against instead.

There was this one time I went to a Christian music festival and there was a company who were selling t-shirts with your premium Christian values on them, you know: gays are bad, abortions are bad, sluts are bad, porn is bad, etc (Christian consumerism at its best, folks). It spent all weekend pissing me off. And, I'll be honest, I wasn't quite as polite or refined then... or now. I can't for the life of me remember what the shirt said, but I do remember it was about abortion. I do remember it pointed a very demeaning finger at anyone who had ever had one. And I had friends, plural, who had them.

I should be clear about the fact that I believe life starts at conception. Yah, I'm one of those. My belief plays into it, but also just being a mama. However, I also believe I have no idea what is like to be 14 and pregnant. I have no idea what it's like to live in a home where my family might disown me. I have no idea what it's like to have no support surrounding me while thinking I maybe can't do this. I have no idea what it's like to be raped and carry a child from that experience. I have no idea. And, most importantly, I don't get to judge you. I get to tell you that there are other options and I think you'd be a wonderful mother. I get to hold your hand and love you, no matter what.

Anyway, there was a group of girls on the campground shuttle, all of them wearing the "God hates when you kill his babies" shirt while discussing the great sin of abortion and I decided it would be prudent to turn around and join the conversation.

I should have prefaced this story with: this is what not to do.

Our conversation went about like this:

Me: "How can you wear that judgmental bullshit?"

Girl 1: "Do you support abortion?"

Me: "I think anyone who has been through that process has had enough to deal with without being damned by a t-shirt most likely made in a sweatshop."

Girl 2: "You don't know anything, people who have abortions go to hell!"

Girls: "Yah."

Me: "You're idiots."

Girl 1: "I bet you had an abortion. You're going to burn in hell for eternity."

Me: *punches girl 1 in the nose*

I know what you're thinking, "Way to tell that girl what for!" But I was just as guilty as those girls. I didn't let what I stood for speak for itself, I was led by what I was against.

Here's the thing, the world has gotten a fat dose of what we (Christians) are against. From the Crusades to bad t-shirts to the Westboro Baptist Church - the world is like "We got it, Christianity, you are against things. Passionately against them." We have drawn so many lines in the sand, we are starting to look like a bad piece of modern art.

But what are we for???

"Oh how we love our religious yokes, not for what they communicate about God, but what they say about us. This is the kind of people we are. We say "no" when everyone else says "yes." We don't do that. We don't watch that. We don't vote that way. We don't go there. We don't include them. But God's idea of a fast is less about what we're against and more about what we are for.

Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Isaiah 58:6-7"

Jen Hatmaker, 7 (and the Bible)

As you've seen, I am guilty. My finger might be pointed in the other direction, but that doesn't make me any more right. While I should be setting an example for my fellow Christians, I am too busy informing them that they aren't being loving, caring, forgiving, etc. enough. But what if I took all that time to just be loving, caring, forgiving? What if I made it less about what is wrong with Christianity and more about what I can do right? What am I for?

What are any of us for?

Like They Do On The Discovery Channel?

Marko and I attend one of the many Small Groups at our church and this Summer our topic is? Marriage. Well, at least, that's the vague one word summary of what we are studying. And this week we discussed "When Love Sizzles" ... aka sex - yah, I'm not going to pretend that the study isn't cheesy, but most of it is decent teaching. One of the questions following the session was "What are some of the damaging aspects of culture to sex?" The answers from around the room were good, but they focused primarily on the damage pop culture has done to sex - leaving out the serious damage that church culture has done to it.

It's true that in this day and age? Sex is all we want to talk about. Where and how people are doing it and with who - or what. We are hyper-sexualized, women are only as good as what they'll show and men are only as good as their six-pack abs on a billboard. There is television, Pinterest, Tumblr, and photo after photo of what "sexy" is. Sex is easily accessible. In fact, it's hard to avoid it. Everyone has poor self image these days, it's impossible not to with all the damage this over stimulation does to our psyches.

But we know it.

We know the superficial nature of pop songs and that "rush" of a new relationship versus the "stagnant" nature of a long term one. We know the injury porn can sometimes place on a relationship. We know the problems with allowing young girls to read Cosmo and Teen Vogue. We see the anorexia, bulimia, rape culture - and not just in women. We watch the rate of sex before marriage sky rocket, the divorce rate rise steadily, and the number of dysfunctional teen moms captivate television audiences everywhere. We know it's damaging.

But what about the damage we as a Church have done to sex?

Because our sin is equal to that of the media.

We force sex under the bed covers, shaming it and any discussion of it. With women and young girls, we teach them to "control" and "tone down" their sexuality; t-shirts over bathing suits, high-necked shirts, finger-tip length skirts and shorts. We tell them modesty only concerns keeping their legs closed and that purity is tied directly to their virginity and once you lose it? You can't get it back. We reproach men for finding a woman who is not their spouse attractive while encouraging a misplaced sense of machismo at the same time. We demand romance from our men while maintaining that they need to stop acting so feminine and "man up." It is a confusing, backwards, hurtful place where words like "abomination" and "sexual deviancy" and "aversion" are common place. The question arises, what does good sex even look like within the context of the Church? Because simply answering "marriage" doesn't do it. There is damaging and hurtful sex within marriages.

 

It's blurry.

Until we can openly and honestly have discussions within both cultures without the fear of being labeled "prude" or "sinful," sex will continue to be harmful. Not just when media tones down the sex and the Church amps up the "sizzle" factor, but when both come together to have an appropriate and in depth conversation. This is just identification of the problem and a lot could be said and speculated on how to heal the damage being done, but that is for another day. There is so much more to say and write on the subject and other people that I much admire have written about it here, here, here, here & here, or here - just to name a few.