I wish I had a superhero cape, then I would never get sick. Ever see a Marvel character take a sick day? I should think not! - I rest my case.
"I'm not young enough to know everything."
If you knew, without the use of the internet, who said those words - I shall make you cookies. If not, well I might make you cookies anyhow for looking it up. I have spent the past several days attempting to find the words to express how I have been feeling. Instead, I found myself lying sick in bed all day - no fun. I don't know about you, but for me being sick makes all things tedious. I can't read for too long or watch films or listen to music or even sleep without it seeming to take large quantities of effort and patience. What came from that was this: childhood.
As I lay obscure on my bed, I ignored the novels I had been reading and picked up my beaten copy of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I read it, while sipping a cup of tea with a large spoonful of honey idling in it, as I remembered it being read to me. I took no deeper meaning, but instead just enjoyed the way the words played in my mind. My own imagery bursting forth from my imagination, I read some bits aloud to myself, giggled when characters made witty remarks, and actually pulled the covers up around me like I was in a tent. I found myself very much in Narnia with the Pevensie children. From there I picked up the entire collection of Winne the Pooh Tales and tromped through the Hundred Acre Woods with Christopher Robin and his silly old bear. Then I got myself another cup of tea, honey still left on my spoon, and watched the 2003 Peter Pan ((brilliant film)). My little childhood soul soared far above and between into spaces I had forgotten. It was good to refind my perpetual 6 year old self. "Let go, Malia, let go." It called, "There is grass out here, waiting to stain your knees whenever you stop feeling like crumbs in a dustbin." Oh the joys! of being a child.
You know when you take a Polaroid picture and it prints itself out and you have to wait a minute ((or shake it shake it shake it like a...)) and the photo slowly becomes clearer and clearer? And sometimes you can see part of the image so you, very informed like, tell someone what the blurry item is - only to give yourself a mental punch in the throat two seconds later because it wasn't that at all? Sometimes I feel that way about my life. I'm looking at a Polaroid I took and I say to people, "Hey, that's the whateverwhatever there in the corner!" And everyone says "Oooh, lovely." Then I give the photo another good shake and look again only to find the whateverwhatever is actually a somethingsomething. Dope! That Malia character has done it again!
Just be. Just BE. JUST be. just be. JUST BE... What do I mean by "just be?" Ah, well! I! Err. Uhm. Well. Let's see here... what do I mean? I think I mean acceptance. Some mushball of acceptance and love. Not just of good or bad people, but of experiences, good or bad. And of emotions, good or bad. Of all things, good and bad. And acceptance doesn't mean passive acceptance, but rather a forward acceptance. Stepping forth before anyone asks and showing you accept this or that. And loving not in a passive or even passionate way, but an unconditional way. The kind of love that says and means "No Matter What." And you have to learn to just be. You have to practice. You're rolling your eyes, aren't you? Mental punch in the throat to you. It is a weird concept, to practice existing. But you have to start by accepting and loving yourself where you are. Wherever you are. Life gives you difficulties so you can appreciate the good things. "When the sky is darkest, you can see the stars" kinda thing. My Polaroid picture may need to be shaken again, so you can see the clearer picture, but I hope you get the meaning behind what I am trying to tell you. You don't need to be anything or anyone other than exactly who you are. Size, shape, color, belief - don't compare who you are to anyone else because you can't. There isn't anyone like you so how could they possibly be compared? It's like taking a peach and a Macbook and asking "I wonder which is better?" Well, better in what sense? Better at playing music - Macbook. Better tasting - peach ((well, I don't know that for a fact but I am going to assume a Macbook does not taste very pleasant)). Just be - whatever that mean, Malia.
Today I actually had a just-be-slap-in-the-face, believe it or not. You see, some time ago I made this list of "rules" for my life. They are things like "Squidge sand between your toes whenever possible," "tell people you love them," "live out of one bag," etc etc... in theory, sounds kind of cool, right? Well, in actuality it is epically cool - except one thing! I created these rules in order to break from the everyday rules written all around us and I forgot the pureness behind the idea. I started using my "rules" to fence off things I thought to be unhealthy or whatever, just as society has done it's "rules," and that made it less fun. The number one "rule" should be to not live by rules at all, merely guidelines and ideas. Take that, Ms Malialani. The world isn't polarized. It isn't blacks and whites or even greys. It is a multitude of colors, some of which we can't even catagorize and we shouldn't try. It isn't our place. We should, I should, just live in a way that makes us happiest and doesn't burden the happiness of others. Well, hullo new Polaroid.
Joy comes to all who seek it
with an open heart, open mind, open life
but misery shows the true nature, beauty
of that joy, through strife.
Light burns darkness, scalds pure
but would you have known
how lovely light were
had it not been for that dark?
There is no understanding
of how great! life is
for any of us still living.
For we know not death
nor it's equal
to show us the truth
of it's wonder!
G'night, dearlings, goodnight.