Passover Me

I have been trying (see: failing) to post about Lent since before Ash Wednesday. Reason being? Lent makes me angry. Christians treat Lent like some secondary opportunity for a New Year's resolution. You know the social media status I'm talking about:
"I'm giving up chocolate."
"I'm giving up Facebook."
"I'm giving up carbs."

To what point and purpose?!

Lent is meant to be a time of meditation and focus on the cross and the sacrifice that was made there - when we give up (chocolate, social media, carbs, etc.), are we giving it up to better concentrate on the things that matter? Or are we giving it up selfishly?

... deep breath.

I've decided that while I am irked (see: furious), I don't want to (see: can't properly) discuss how Lent has been bastardized into something of a fad diet. Instead, I am going to talk about myself and how this Lenten season has affected me this year.

"For we have this hope as an anchor for the soul..."

If I am being perfectly honest, my biblical studies have fallen by the wayside since having Rory. My prayer life has never been fiercer, but there just haven't been enough hours in the day to really dive into scripture. Reading novels is easy enough while I'm nursing or before bed, because I don't really need to or want to carefully consider the words on the page. I don't want to write in the margins (most of the time), underline, or pick up three other versions to reference back and forth and look up original meanings.

Now that Rory is a little older? It is a little easier. He can play with his copious amount of toys while I really dig my heels into several chapters before he crawls into my lap expecting to be snuggled. But still, I don't often get that opportunity - or, rather, I don't really allow myself that opportunity. I'm constantly doing dishes, making bread, folding laundry, and a variety of other chores instead of picking up my Bible. Bad, Malia.

But Lent has left me with some excellent resources. The first was seemingly obvious: The ECC has partnered with World Vision to create Covenant Kids Congo, which you can read more about through the link, and has provided congregations like ours with free prayer materials for Lent. Once I read about it, I decided that I wanted to read the print out and be in prayer for the multitude of children with food, water, medicine, education, etc.

Secondly, I found myself really loving the concept behind World Vision's Lenten materials - that Lent could transform itself week by week as I spent these 40 days falling back in love with (and making time for) my bible.

Lastly, the blogosphere. I'm not what one would call an "avid" blogger, nor do I avidly follow many blogs. I am more of a lackadaisical reader of blogs and author-when-motivated. But a friend of mine turned me on to an interesting concept that I hope you'll check out: Atheism For Lent. The idea of giving up perceptions of God to make room for who God actually is; The study follows common arguments against God as well as the works of Freud, Marx, Nietzsche, and Žižek. It is vastly interesting. I have had several people question me in my pursuit of this avenue, but if my faith cannot stand the examination of nonbelievers - what kind of faith is it? I would argue that if I never allow my beliefs to be questioned, that they are not beliefs at all, merely wishing projected.

I have also taken time to really read through several blogs on sexual purity within Christianity and the idol we create there, sexuality in general, adoption, physical abuse, suffering as a whole, and other various topics that I have fully submersed myself in. I've read opposing view points, gentle leadings, kind words, harsh words, angry rants... and I must say, my heart feels lifted already. I find myself clicking on link after link after link, eager to pour more over my never quenched cup soul. I also find myself examining my own Bible for 3 minutes here, 10 minutes there, and writing so much in my freedom rediscovered.

It has been, and I hope will continue to be, a beautiful season of growth for me spiritually. I am filled up, yet never satisfied and yearning for more. I am lost in a maze of glorious sacrifice and I couldn't be more contented.

Now if I could only apply that to other aspects of my life...